President Trump began his nationwide “Campaign Greatest Hits” tour last night in front of a packed crowd of over 350,000* excited boy scouts in West Virginia. They came to hear the hits, and they weren’t disappointed as launched into “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet”.The boys booed along to “Obama Blues” before Trump was joined by special guest Tom Price for an extended healthcare jam. Trump went through his full repertoire of well-worn hits: Fake News, Comey, Hillary, Russia and Podesta.The energy was incredible from the adoring “youth”, even though at times it was clear they had no idea what Trump was saying or why they were cheering. It just seemed like the “right” thing to do.* Figures provided by the Trump campaign.
President Trump yesterday was forced to pull out of new reality series, “Celebrity American Baking Show” when the consistency of his chocolate chip cookie dough proved too much for the White House cookie press. Trump had earlier wowed judges with his lemon souffle, but his failure in the cookie challenge meant he was forced to leave the show after only two rounds.White House spokeswoman, and occasional pastry chef Sarah Huckabee Sanders released a brief statement from the President, “Once again I have been treated very unfairly by the press. It was purchased during the Obama administration in one of the worst deals this White House has ever seen. The failure of the press was the only reason I had to leave the show.”
President Trump is unveiling “Made in America” week at the White House today to promote products made in the United States.However, the week started badly Sunday evening, when Ivanka’s hastily arranged “Made in America” fashion show left crowds and fashion photographers wanting, with America’s top models unable to find a single “Ivanka Trump” item that wasn’t actually made in China.Helen Ferre, the White House’s director of media affairs, admitted to reporters at a briefing following the event that trying to promote Ivanka’s brand and the “America First” message was always doomed to failure.
President Trump’s comments upon meeting Brigitte Macron were widely publicized this week, “You’re in such good shape. She’s in such good physical shape. Beautiful”.It seems President Trump has a habit of commenting on the personal appearance of everyone he meets. Leaked audio emerged online last night purporting to be of Trump greeting German Chancellor Merkel at the G20 summit. In the muffled audio, Trump can be heard greeting Merkel, stating, “Wow Angela, you’ve really let yourself go.”Press photographs showed a visibly upset Merkel. It was unclear at the time what provoked the reaction until the leaked audio surfaced.The White House did not return calls when asked to comment on the President’s alleged remarks.