General Craziness

Trump welcomes new communications director to the White House

Trump welcomes new communications director to the White House
President Trump unveiled his new communications director on Friday, and it didn’t take long for Barron Trump to hit the ground running. Barron helped his dad craft a wide variety of tweets on Saturday before surprising him with an animated gif on Sunday morning, to the President’s delight.Sean Spicer talked to reporters yesterday afternoon, “It’s such a relief having Barron onboard to lead the communications team. We’re delighted that he’s been able to make an immediate impact by adding memes to the President’s repertoire.”Since the removal of Mike Dubke back in May, President Trump has been actively seeking a communications director who shares his values and possesses basic Photoshop skills. It’s understood that Barron will take the maximum allowable salary of $180,000, with Spicer, Conway, and Huckabee Sanders reporting to him directly.”
General Craziness

Trump prepares carefully worded apology to Mika Brzezinski

Trump prepares carefully worded apology to Mika Brzezinski
Donald Trump spent Thursday evening reflecting on the backlash to yesterday’s early-morning tweet aimed at Morning Joe host Mika Brzezinski. Regulars at his usual Washington hang-out described Trump as loud and boorish, even before he’d touched his Bloody Mary. Female customers complained that Trump always tries to compliment them on their smile before trying to grab them.Barman Josh Kirkland has become all too familiar with Trump’s routine. “Usually after a long day of tweeting, Trump will come in alone. I’ve never seen him with a group of friends. He seems like a sad, lonely guy. I don’t think he’s married. My problem is that I never know when to cut him off because he acts like a drunken ass from the moment he walks in. Oh, and he never leaves a tip.”
General Craziness

More fake Time covers discovered in Trump resort restrooms

More fake Time covers discovered in Trump resort restrooms
After fake Time magazine covers were discovered at Trump golf resorts, Time attorneys undertook an extensive search of Trump properties, uncovering additional fake covers on display in the resort restrooms.The shocking images, dated December 2016, illustrate Trump’s utter disdain for the planet, and clearly show his intentions upon becoming President. The White House could not be reached for comment.
General Craziness

CNN hires McCarthy for off-camera press briefing simulcasts

CNN hires McCarthy for off-camera press briefing simulcasts
Off-camera press briefings have become the new normal in Washington. Concerned about a lack of new material for the new SNL season, Melissa McCarthy yesterday approached CNN producers with a novel idea to boost ratings given the new briefing format.Starting today McCarthy will re-enact Spicer’s every move on a 30-second tape delay, adding her own unique twist to Spicer’s lies and diversions.Jim Acosta expressed excitement about the move, saying, “We just couldn’t find the courage to walk out or keep the cameras rolling, so Melissa’s doing us a huge favor.”