Education, Healthcare

DeVos questions CBO math

Betsy Math
Betsy DeVos questioned the validity of CBO’s report on the impact of the American Health Care Act last night. “I’m really not sure how they got to 14 million, I expected it to be a much bigger number, like, 130,000.”

Obamacare repeal “will end in a beautiful picture”

Beautiful Healthcare Picture
President Donald Trump urged his Twitter followers on Thursday to ignore media reports of dissension among Republicans on the health care legislation intended to repeal and replace Obamacare, telling them that the policy “will end in a beautiful picture!”

Ryan unveils new fitness plan to keep premiums low

Paul Ryan yesterday unveiled a key component of the Republican healthcare plan. Ryan gave an expertly crafted PowerPoint presentation to an invited audience, however, one part of the plan which received surprisingly little media coverage was Ryan’s new fitness video, “Workout With Ryan”.”I believe the key to keeping premiums low is to ensure people don’t get sick. My new fitness plan does just that. For just $19.95, including shipping and handling, Americans will finally learn how to keep premiums low and avoid those nasty co-pays and personal bankruptcy filings.”

Donald explains it all – Healthcare edition

Trump and Ryan
Donald Trump sat down with the nation’s governors today for the second of a weekly session he’s calling, “Donald explains it all”. Sean Spicer described these weekly sessions as, “an opportunity for the President to share his wisdom on a broad range of issues facing the country today”.This morning Donald tackled healthcare head-on. His conclusion, “Nobody knew health care could be so complicated.” This moment of enlightenment comes after fifteen minutes of exhaustive scanning of healthcare-related tweets during his early morning bowel-movement.Today was the highly-anticipated follow-up to last week’s, “Donald explains it all: The Middle East”, where he concluded that either a one or two state solution would work, whatever makes them happy.”Next week, Donald explains Planned Parenthood.