Trump re-purposes VOICE office after push-back

President Trump today backed-away from plans to set-up, VOICE, the Victims Of Immigration Crime Engagement office. Facing increasing push-back from all sides, Trump has decided to re-purpose the snappy acronym, rather than completely do away with it.In an announcement due later today, Trump will announce the Victims Of Irritating Cabinet Ethics. “There’s a growing need to support victims of burdensome Cabinet Ethics”, said press Secretary Sean Spicer, “Michael Flynn will head-up the new office and we’re hopeful that Jeff Sessions will join him soon. We’re confident that we’ll be able to fully staff the office in the next few weeks.”

So-called President vows to overturn travel-ban ruling

At his confirmation hearing, Judge James Robart stated that he would treat everyone in his courtroom with “dignity and respect”. President Trump, who expressed unfamiliarity with those words, referred to Robart as a “so-called” judge, whose decision was “ridiculous”. The DHS immediately ignored so-called President Trump’s tweets and began to overturn the ban.    

Trump voters “feel safer” with refugee ban in place

“I do feel safer,” said Dotty Ray, 72, a retiree from Savannah, Tennessee. Dotty always felt terrified to leave her homestead for fear of being beaten senseless by a Syrian refugee mother and accompanying toddler. Now, thanks to her commander-in-chief, she can rest easy knowing the only thing she has to fear is her husband’s irrational temper and that Colt 45 under the bed.