Donald Jr. replaced by Eric in Trump family reshuffle

Donald Jr. replaced by Eric in Trump family reshuffle
President Trump reshuffled his family last night, promoting Eric to eldest son, and removing Donald Jr. from his immediate family. When asked about the move, the President explained that he was never close to Donald Jr. and his position within the family was no longer tenable.When asked about the meeting between his son and Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya, the President pushed back, stating, “I was not aware of the meeting, and my eldest son Eric was not involved in any way”.

Everyone here is talking about John Podesta

Everyone here is talking about John Podesta
President Trump issued a ridiculous tweet this morning, stating, “Everyone here is talking about why John Podesta refused to give the DNC server to the FBI and the CIA. Disgraceful!”A huge backlash began on Twitter accusing the President of lying, but in the reality that is the President’s brain, every one of those tiny voices reinforce the paranoia every night.

Putin makes final preparations for Trump handshake

Putin makes final preparations for Trump handshake
Vladimir Putin has spent weeks perfecting his approach to the infamous Trump handshake. Many world leaders have been let down by Trump’s opening move, with only Emmanuel Macron showing that he was equal to the task. Putin knows that this initial gesture will set the tone for their meeting and failure is not an option.Speaking through an interpreter, Putin explained his foolproof strategy, “Preparation is key. The difficulty we had was finding an adult male with such tiny hands, but we found a teenaged judo student to help. Other leaders have failed to take hand size into account resulting in a loss of focus during those first seconds of contact. My plan is to bypass the handshake completely, instead, locking his arm, grabbing his jacket and finishing with a body slam.”Putin added, “Studying video of Trump attacking the man with the CNN logo stuck to his face also helped me perfect my footwork to avoid a preemptive Trump-slam.”

Meanwhile, in the White House dumpster…

Meanwhile, in the White House dumpster…
Donald Trump yesterday declared, to nobody’s surprise, that he had no tapes of his conversations with James Comey.In a move that left poker players worldwide speechless, Trump called Comey’s bluff, only for Comey to reveal his handful of aces at Senate testimony. It meant yet another tape destined for the White House dumpster.