After long week, Scaramucci turns to Bannon for advice

After long week, Scaramucci turns to Bannon for advice

So ends one of the longest weeks in political history. A week in which Anthony Scaramucci quickly transitioned from smooth to coarse, making some interesting observations about fellow White House staff in a profanity-laced New York Times interview, especially regarding yoga-loving Steve Bannon.News broke late in the week that Scaramucci’s wife had filed for divorce, citing Donald Trump as the other party after Scaramucci proclaimed undying love for the President just a week earlier.With his personal life in tatters, Scaramucci finally turned to Bannon for advice. “Steve calls this position ‘the fandango’. I’m still not sure how he does it”, a source inside the White House quoted Scaramucci as saying, “After a week of trying, this is a close as I can get, but Steve’s promised to act as my personal trainer until one of us gets fired”.

Teen Trump fans go wild as President begins Greatest Hits tour

Teen Trump fans go wild as President begins Greatest Hits tour

President Trump began his nationwide “Campaign Greatest Hits” tour last night in front of a packed crowd of over 350,000* excited boy scouts in West Virginia. They came to hear the hits, and they weren’t disappointed as launched into “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet”.The boys booed along to “Obama Blues” before Trump was joined by special guest Tom Price for an extended healthcare jam. Trump went through his full repertoire of well-worn hits: Fake News, Comey, Hillary, Russia and Podesta.The energy was incredible from the adoring “youth”, even though at times it was clear they had no idea what Trump was saying or why they were cheering. It just seemed like the “right” thing to do.* Figures provided by the Trump campaign.

Trump washes away Scaramucci’s sins at Potomac baptism

Trump washes away Scaramucci’s sins at Potomac baptism

President Trump welcomed Anthony Scaramucci to the White House yesterday following his baptism by Trump in the Potomac. Scaramucci emerged from the water, his hair still perfectly coiffured, proclaiming unconditional love for Trump. With his sinful life behind him, Scaramucci immediately deleted his old tweets and was born again.Trump had cleansed Scarmucci of the evil temptation of strong gun-control, of Hilary as a competent human being, of Islam as a peaceful religion and of Trump as a hack.With his mind now clear of distractions, and his assimilation into Trumpism complete, Scaramucci, Trump’s newest evangelist, headed to the White House to spread the word of his savior.

Anthony Scaramucci’s business card seals the deal

Anthony Scaramucci’s business card seals the deal

The moment Anthony Scaramucci presented his business card to President Trump, the deal was a good as done. Sean Spicer was on his way out, with Mr. Smooth installed as White House communications director.Scaramucci checks all the boxes for Trump: Goldman Sachs background, ties to Russia, Wall Street insider, enormous amounts of hair product, prepared to say anything and most importantly, in love with himself and the President. Truly a match made in heaven.