Anthony Scaramucci was escorted from the White House yesterday before returning to his own time, 1987. Sarah Huckabee Sanders made a brief statement from the White House press room, “Anthony has returned to a time where greed was good and generous amounts of hair product were the norm. We wish him well and hope that he makes lots of money”.Scaramucci, having failed epically to become Trump’s BFF, is rumored to have insider stock information on Bluestar Airlines which he intends to present to boyhood hero, Gordon Gekko.
So ends one of the longest weeks in political history. A week in which Anthony Scaramucci quickly transitioned from smooth to coarse, making some interesting observations about fellow White House staff in a profanity-laced New York Times interview, especially regarding yoga-loving Steve Bannon.News broke late in the week that Scaramucci’s wife had filed for divorce, citing Donald Trump as the other party after Scaramucci proclaimed undying love for the President just a week earlier.With his personal life in tatters, Scaramucci finally turned to Bannon for advice. “Steve calls this position ‘the fandango’. I’m still not sure how he does it”, a source inside the White House quoted Scaramucci as saying, “After a week of trying, this is a close as I can get, but Steve’s promised to act as my personal trainer until one of us gets fired”.
President Trump welcomed Anthony Scaramucci to the White House yesterday following his baptism by Trump in the Potomac. Scaramucci emerged from the water, his hair still perfectly coiffured, proclaiming unconditional love for Trump. With his sinful life behind him, Scaramucci immediately deleted his old tweets and was born again.Trump had cleansed Scarmucci of the evil temptation of strong gun-control, of Hilary as a competent human being, of Islam as a peaceful religion and of Trump as a hack.With his mind now clear of distractions, and his assimilation into Trumpism complete, Scaramucci, Trump’s newest evangelist, headed to the White House to spread the word of his savior.
The moment Anthony Scaramucci presented his business card to President Trump, the deal was a good as done. Sean Spicer was on his way out, with Mr. Smooth installed as White House communications director.Scaramucci checks all the boxes for Trump: Goldman Sachs background, ties to Russia, Wall Street insider, enormous amounts of hair product, prepared to say anything and most importantly, in love with himself and the President. Truly a match made in heaven.