Immigration

Trump finally acknowledges the local milk people

Trump finally acknowledges the local milk people
A newly published transcript of the phone call between the US president and the Australian prime minister shows the pair discussing a deal made under the Obama administration to resettle to the US more than 1,000 refugees currently held in Australia’s offshore detention centers.Trump was unhappy, “I hate taking these people. I guarantee you they are bad. That is why they are in prison right now. They are not going to be wonderful people who go on to work for the local milk people.”Those wonderful refugees who have successfully assimilated to become local milk people took to the streets to celebrate, after finally being acknowledged by the President.Stephen Miller was quick to clarify Trump’s comments though, adding, “While we do appreciate the hard working local milk people, there is no place in this country for chocolate milk.”
General Craziness

Ben Carson’s “gifted hands” explained by new scientific discovery

Ben Carson
Ben Carson, famed neurosurgeon and author of “Gifted Hands”, now Housing and Urban Development Secretary, yesterday equated slaves with immigrants in a staggeringly ignorant rambling address to department employees.Carson’s comments follow a string of incoherent performances during the Republican primaries, but scientists were quick to support Carson, citing a recent discovery which could explain why brain surgery and common sense don’t necessarily go hand-in-hand.New research shows that in certain individuals the brain is wired in such a way that only specific tasks can be achieved to a high level of competence. Leaked tests reveal that in Carson’s case, ninety percent of his brain function is channeled to his hands, leaving only a tiny amount of left-over capacity for trivial tasks such as uttering a coherent sentence or running a government department with a multi-million dollar budget.Publisher, Zondervan, denied reports that future copies of Carson’s book will be titled, “Gifted Hands, Tiny Brain: The Ben Carson Story”.
Immigration

Trump furious after Ellis Island revelation

Ellis Island
President Trump was said to be furious after learning for the first time of an immigration influx on the doorstep of Trump Tower.Following a meeting with his Education Secretary, Trump was overheard saying, “Betsy informed me of an island that I can see from my office, where immigrants have been flooding into the country for years. Apparently 12 million have come in so far.”Trump expressed fury with intelligence agencies for focusing on the southern border, when, “the real problem is in my home state!”.Trump has ordered an immediate review of immigration policy and asked for cost estimates to build the ‘Ellis Island Wall’, adding “it’s going to be a beautiful wall”.