Immigration

Trump announces foolproof two-tier extreme vetting standards

Trump announces foolproof two-tier extreme vetting standards
President Trump will today sign an executive order designed to keep America safe from foreign adversaries. The order calls for a two-tier extreme vetting system. Syrian refugees, especially those under the age of ten, will be subject to the most-extreme form of vetting, while future National Security Adviser appointees will require no vetting at all, the same level of vetting successfully applied to previous adviser Michael Flynn.Sean Spicer announced the news in today’s briefing, “This executive order is designed to ensure the safety of the American people. Any fallout from this new policy will be blamed on the Obama administration.”
Healthcare

Trump fails to court the swing vote

Trump Swing
Following weeks of exhaustive practice, Donald Trump yesterday failed in his bid to win this year’s Trump National Best Swing contest. The annual contest between members at Trump’s course in Virginia is highly coveted, but for the second time in a week, Trump was unable to get the votes needed to seal the deal.A White House spokesman commented, “The President has put in countless hours to get the votes needed. He left everything out on the fairway. Weekends have been spent in working meetings with his swing coach, both here, and at his course at Mar-a-Lago. Unfortunately he continues to have problems pushing the ball out to the right, or hooking to the left. There is also a major problem with the consistency of his follow-through.”Trump refused to blame his swing coach for yesterday’s loss, instead targeting equipment manufacturer Titleist’s decision to manufacture their club heads in China. He vowed to bring those jobs back to the United States in order to “Make America Drive Straight Again”.
Russia

Flynn puts Trump team in top 45

Michael Flynn’s carefully worded registration letter stated that Trump’s team, “will go down in history as one of the greatest presidencies in U.S. history”.   OppositeView has obtained a first draft of Flynn’s letter which adds the phrase, “…certainly in the top 45”. The Trump team could not be reached for comment on the omission from the published version.  
Russia

Flynn’s unforgivable forgetfulness

There’s one character trait that doesn’t sit well in the Trump team – forgetfulness.The ability to spew alternative facts – absolutely; to deceive and deflect – of course; to flat-out lie – sure; but to not be able to keep track of that trail of lies – unforgivable. You’re fired!