President Trump will today sign an executive order designed to keep America safe from foreign adversaries. The order calls for a two-tier extreme vetting system. Syrian refugees, especially those under the age of ten, will be subject to the most-extreme form of vetting, while future National Security Adviser appointees will require no vetting at all, the same level of vetting successfully applied to previous adviser Michael Flynn.Sean Spicer announced the news in today’s briefing, “This executive order is designed to ensure the safety of the American people. Any fallout from this new policy will be blamed on the Obama administration.”
Plans to reduce the price of Donald Trump’s planned border wall by using wooden fencing along certain low priority sections were thrown into chaos yesterday as Trump’s tariff on Canadian lumber caused lumber prices to skyrocket.Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly was the first to point out the irony of the situation. “We fully expected our deteriorating relationship with Mexico to cause problems with the border wall, but the President threw us a a curve-ball yesterday by starting a trade war with our northern neighbors instead.”The news comes as a major blow to Trump’s plans, coinciding with the World Trade Organization’s ruling yesterday, allowing Mexico to impose trade sanctions worth $163 million a year against the US. The WTO says that’s how much money Mexico has lost from the US unfairly penalizing Mexican tuna.
President Trump yesterday canceled all future security briefings, calling them “useless and incomplete”.In a statement released last night, Sean Spicer added, “The President was troubled that there was no mention of what’s going on in Sweden, or the Bowling Green massacre in his briefings. Instead he’s chosen to spend more time getting a complete, and well-rounded picture from his trusted sources at Fox and Friends.”
Michael Flynn’s carefully worded registration letter stated that Trump’s team, “will go down in history as one of the greatest presidencies in U.S. history”. OppositeView has obtained a first draft of Flynn’s letter which adds the phrase, “…certainly in the top 45”. The Trump team could not be reached for comment on the omission from the published version.