Immigration

Trump announces foolproof two-tier extreme vetting standards

Trump announces foolproof two-tier extreme vetting standards
President Trump will today sign an executive order designed to keep America safe from foreign adversaries. The order calls for a two-tier extreme vetting system. Syrian refugees, especially those under the age of ten, will be subject to the most-extreme form of vetting, while future National Security Adviser appointees will require no vetting at all, the same level of vetting successfully applied to previous adviser Michael Flynn.Sean Spicer announced the news in today’s briefing, “This executive order is designed to ensure the safety of the American people. Any fallout from this new policy will be blamed on the Obama administration.”
General Craziness

Media completely transfixed by giant shiny MOAB

Media completely transfixed by giant shiny MOAB
Going into the weekend, the media continued to be distracted by the biggest shiny object President Trump could lay his hands on. Trump followed his Tomahawk firework show in Syria with the MOAB in Afghanistan, a weapon which was the most effective device available to clear an area for Trump Nangahar Resort and Spa.In order to distract the media further from any meaningful news stories, Trump yesterday added Michael Bay, director of multiple explosion-fest movies, to direct plans for his next strike on North Korea.
General Craziness

Trump angry after day of reversals ends in failure

Trump angry after day of reversals ends in failure
Donald Trump angrily tweeted about how great he was making America last night. The result of his anger? The failed attempt to reverse his truck into the White House garage, causing significant damage to the east wing.Sean Spicer released a brief statement, “The President was so focused on reversals yesterday that he made the unfortunate decision to back the truck into the garage rather than go in forwards as normal.”Trump added one last item to his list of policy reversals before hitting Twitter: NATO is not obsolete China is not a currency manipulator Bashar al-Assad is a butcher We’re at an all-time low with Russia We can tackle North Korea without China Interest rates need to stay low The dollar is too strong I respect Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen Steve Bannon’s a nice guy, but … Objects in the rear view mirror appear closer than they are
Foreign Affairs

Trump declares US missile strike a failure as approval rating flatlines

Trump declares US missile strike a failure as approval rating flatlines
Gallup’s daily tracking poll this morning showed President Trump’s approval rating flatlining at 40%, the clearest indicator yet that the strike on Syria’s Shayrat airfield failed to achieve its primary objective.With media attention slowly moving back to the Russia story, Trump officials are becoming increasingly desperate to control the narrative. Sean Spicer denied reports that White House staff had booked multiple tickets on United Flight UA1159 in an attempt to have KellyAnne Conway forcibly removed.United confirmed that Conway did board the flight this morning, and that the company’s computer model targets passengers least likely to be affected by a schedule change. They would not, however, confirm whether she was still on the flight when in left DCA en route to Chicago.