Hearing that Hurricane Irma is the biggest storm ever recorded and is likely to cause massive destruction across the Caribbean and Florida, President Trump signed an emergency executive order this morning renaming the storm to Hurricane Donald.Sarah Huckabee Sanders stated that “The President felt much happier having his name attached to something capable of causing devastation to the lives of millions”
A newly published transcript of the phone call between the US president and the Australian prime minister shows the pair discussing a deal made under the Obama administration to resettle to the US more than 1,000 refugees currently held in Australia’s offshore detention centers.Trump was unhappy, “I hate taking these people. I guarantee you they are bad. That is why they are in prison right now. They are not going to be wonderful people who go on to work for the local milk people.”Those wonderful refugees who have successfully assimilated to become local milk people took to the streets to celebrate, after finally being acknowledged by the President.Stephen Miller was quick to clarify Trump’s comments though, adding, “While we do appreciate the hard working local milk people, there is no place in this country for chocolate milk.”
Anthony Scaramucci was escorted from the White House yesterday before returning to his own time, 1987. Sarah Huckabee Sanders made a brief statement from the White House press room, “Anthony has returned to a time where greed was good and generous amounts of hair product were the norm. We wish him well and hope that he makes lots of money”.Scaramucci, having failed epically to become Trump’s BFF, is rumored to have insider stock information on Bluestar Airlines which he intends to present to boyhood hero, Gordon Gekko.
Quentin Tarantino announced this evening that he will be directing the Scaramucci biopic, to be released early in 2018. The biopic, with the working title, “Sewer Dogs”, will focus on Scaramucci’s brief tenure as White House communications director and the infighting with Sean Spicer and Reince Priebus.Speaking to reporters this evening, Tarantino said, “We had some footage left from the final scene of Reservoir Dogs that I’ve wanted to use for years, and today’s decision by John Kelly gave me the perfect opportunity. Anthony’s already signed on and we’re in early negotiations with Sean and Reince”.