Anthony Scaramucci was escorted from the White House yesterday before returning to his own time, 1987. Sarah Huckabee Sanders made a brief statement from the White House press room, “Anthony has returned to a time where greed was good and generous amounts of hair product were the norm. We wish him well and hope that he makes lots of money”.Scaramucci, having failed epically to become Trump’s BFF, is rumored to have insider stock information on Bluestar Airlines which he intends to present to boyhood hero, Gordon Gekko.
Plans to reduce the price of Donald Trump’s planned border wall by using wooden fencing along certain low priority sections were thrown into chaos yesterday as Trump’s tariff on Canadian lumber caused lumber prices to skyrocket.Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly was the first to point out the irony of the situation. “We fully expected our deteriorating relationship with Mexico to cause problems with the border wall, but the President threw us a a curve-ball yesterday by starting a trade war with our northern neighbors instead.”The news comes as a major blow to Trump’s plans, coinciding with the World Trade Organization’s ruling yesterday, allowing Mexico to impose trade sanctions worth $163 million a year against the US. The WTO says that’s how much money Mexico has lost from the US unfairly penalizing Mexican tuna.
Yesterday, President Trump sent out a carefully worded tweet, providing full details of how he intends to fund the Mexican border wall:“Eventually, but at a later date so we can get started early, Mexico will be paying, in some form, for the badly needed border wall.”Today we take a moment to get behind the specifics and examine each of the key elements:“Eventually” Under the next administration “but at a later date” well, some future administration, but in any case, after I’m welcomed into the loving arms of my beloved Vlad “so we can get started early” wow, 100 days sure goes by fast and I really need to add something to my list of accomplishments “Mexico will be paying” there’s that campaign promise, boom! “in some form” no need to get specific, heck I’ll take a year’s supply of tacos “for the badly needed border wall” we’ve got to stop American citizens escaping over the southern border.
A document released today by Customs and Border Protection detailed design requirements for the Mexico border wall. Among the requirements is that the wall be “physically imposing in height”, and “aesthetically pleasing in color”.Officials denied reports that the latter design consideration also applied to those people successfully breaking through the wall.